“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Jesus Christ), vs. “The meek shall inherit nothing” (Frank Zappa). I of course prefer my Jesus’s own beautiful promise–because He was referring to another, spiritual dimension, and to a future age–but I realize Zappa was also correct, for the most part, as far as our earthly inheritances or rewards. For in this present world and age, meekness IS a sure way to lose out on much / most / virtually all that Life has to offer us. In this world and age of basically Social Darwinism, it’s the ruthless, the dishonest, the cruel, the covetous, the devious, who earn the best positions of power, wealth, and prestige.

Speaking personally, in my 8 years as a born-again Christian, I have never felt like I had less of a portion, or a reward, on this Earth.

Socially and romantically, I have suffered greatly. (Economically and financially I have not prospered either.) To my knowledge, I have not had a girl fall in love with me since becoming a Christian 8 years ago, whereas before that time, all my earlier life, I was something of a “Don Juan” with the ladies, and had many notable successes and triumphs (though not as many as I would’ve liked, naturally, because lust is never satisfied or content.)

Indeed, the rare rejections I received from the fairer sex used to so devastate me that I would be plunged into suicidal depression. Nowadays, however, I’ve become so used to rejections–I’ve probably experienced at least two dozen, probably more–that I think I would be shocked if a girl said “yes”!

A biblical example of Meekness in the Old Testament is the patriarch Isaac, son of Abraham and father of Jacob / Israel. But it’s worthwhile to note that one of the remarkable incidents of his life was unfavorable to him: the envious Philistines plugged up the wells he dug, on two occasions, compelling Isaac to move and relocate and try again two more times. It has been rightly said that Isaac (having received the promises God gave to the family through his father Abraham) could afford to be generous and meek, since he would one day inherit (by faith) all of the land and everything in it anyway.

For the best definition of “meekness” that I’ve ever heard, is “a holy resignation to the will of God”. God never promised Isaac or any believer a trouble-free life. In fact the opposite is true, and God’s people generally must suffer more on Earth (in “the short-term”) as they wait for the eternal blessings and promises to come to their full, glorious fruition. God often allows the wicked, on the other hand, to prosper in this life, because it shall be the only happiness and prosperity they shall ever know, for, having rejected and hated God, after the Judgment their only portion for Eternity shall be Hell and the fire which shall never be quenched.

My Conversion Testimony and Astronomical Interpretations of Christian Eschatology.

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Being of a certain scientific mind (always being open to experimentation; wanting to find objective certainty; giving weight to all sides and areas of evidence, even when contradictory), I found that even after the Lord Jesus miraculously introduced Himself to me and “saved me” (i.e. gave me a new heart, a new spirit, and new life within me, and beginning His daily communion and fellowship with Me as a spiritual and literal connection), I was still objectively uncertain that He was and is indeed “the only true God”; I had experimented with most other religions and aesthetic and philosophic dogmas and points of view, and found at least some merit and worth in each of them; many of them, like Buddhism, Transcendental Meditation, Tantra, Sufism, and certain strains of “New Age” thought, seemed to hold very much weight indeed. And Christianity on the other hand had seemed, before my conversion, to be the least interesting (i.e. most boring) and most open to negative criticism of all the religions and philosophies I came across.

But the Lord allowed me a certain vision, in the first days or weeks of my conversion. I shall never forget it: a vision of each of the “gods” and “religions” and “philosophies” as represented by their well-known ambassadors (Buddha, Brahma, Shiva, Vishnu, Krishna, Confucius, Lao-Tzu, Jesus Christ, etc. etc.) who had, throughout human history, descended upon us in their various types of “UFO”s from outer space, from the various worlds of their origin and/or habitation.

I decided that even if all the gods’ and religions’ claims and promises were all true and valid, that Christ would have my allegiance, because of the way and style of His advent: humble, mysterious, but still at times startlingly clear and irresistible (if not indubitable). I was at a very low time in my life, personally, living in social isolation and suspicion even amongst my own family members, and unable to find or keep steady employment, and drinking too much alcohol, and often living in the upper loft of our workshop/barn next to our house, despite the atrocious heat of the summer days and the bitter cold of Fall and Winter.

Christ had my allegiance primarily because (as I found out later He promised) He and His Father had chosen me and had not chosen Him/Them. I felt like He was infinitely wise, infinitely patient, infinitely hopeful, in me personally… and I quickly learned that so many other thousands and millions of people throughout human history had reported the same kind of encounter with Him; feeling abandoned and rejected as “unqualified” by all other men and women, and even by the various gods, gurus, and leaders themselves, here was a Man who loved me just as I was, and here at my worst. He saw the best parts of myself, and almost as it were “credited” them to me, despite my many moral failings, faults, weaknesses and sins. (This goodness in me, I later learned, was because He Himself had put it there, or otherwise influenced or nurtured its becoming.)

So I became a willing and happy convert to Christ and Christianity; a part of me felt great joy (and still feels great joy) to be a part of something so misunderstood and hated for various good or bad reasons: the mystical Church of Jesus Christ. It seemed totally appropriate that a mysterious God would have a mysterious People, and a commonly misunderstood Plan; it also became clear to me that He had His good reasons for not revealing Himself to everybody, reasons which mostly have to do with His not being interested in “forcing Himself” on anybody, and leaving us the decision to seek and desire Him or not.

To immediately feel and sense the connection with great saints and figures of old who were also given the gift of faith in Christ, was very reassuring and pleasant: St. Francis, T.S. Eliot, Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, and many others, including (best and most joyous of all) certain members of my own family.

In those first days of my conversion, it was as if the enraging and maddening “jigsaw puzzle” of the Universe assembled itself together before my very eyes, without any further effort of my own; a kind and loving God was explaining it all to me, with His “still small voice” in my heart, mind, and conscience, and through the agency of His written History of creation and humankind known as the Holy Bible.

But I never forgot that early vision about the “UFOs” or “spaceships” which had come, partly overtly and partly secretly, with their many astounding and almost incredible promises and claims…

Until earlier today, when I was excited to be struck by some more possible interpretations of some of the mystical prophecies in the Bible (esp. the last book of it, Revelation). I believe by faith that these are revelations given to me from the Lord (whose student and disciple I have been since late 2007), but I am open to correction and better instruction if that’s what the Lord has for me.

But here were some scenarios that showed themselves to me in vision and word (rhema) form from the Lord:

{1} The Millennial Reign of Christ: This prophesied period of peace and piety (which also has had many differences of interpretation), when the Lord Himself will be amongst us on the Earth and commanding our worship, and which will apparently occur after the great devastation of the world’s last War in the times of Antichrist, centered around Jerusalem in Palestine, may be the last “grace” period on this present Earth during which God and Christ prepare His people to evacuate the Earth after its Day of Judgment.

{2} The New Earth: This prophesy could could refer to a new planet of refuge/safety which God will bring His faithful believers to, after this present Earth is finally destroyed by fire in the far future, after (?) the Millennial Reign of Christ here.

{3} The New Jerusalem: This immense floating city (which “descends out of the sky like a bride prepared for her bridegroom”), and which will apparently be almost as wide as the continental USA and just as long and tall (though scholars differ in their speculations as to its shape, but most seem to think it will either be cubic or pyramidical) could be God’s spaceship, which He will use to transport His saints to the New Heavens and New Earth.

{4} The New Heavens: [These could be another dimension, or another galaxy/solar-system? I didn’t receive any vision concerning this specifically, however.]

{5} The Great Day of Judgment: This dreaded and long-anticipated Day will (it seems) occur only after Christ’s Millennial Reign on Earth, when Satan will be unbound from the pit to tempt the human race one last time. Satan and his new uprising and army will be soundly defeated, however, as “God will send a fire upon them from heaven which will consume them all.”

{6} Death & Hell Turning Into The Lake of Fire: This might simply be a matter of the Earth’s subterranean lava and “fire” overtaking the surface of the planet, or a result of God’s fiery judgment on Satan’s last rebellion,or a combination of both? In any case it has been well suggested that “hell”, “sheol”, “gehenna”, “Hades”, etc. is nothing else but the subterranean caverns beneath the Earth’s surface–the darkness, crampness, lack of oxygen, and extreme heat of which gave rise to the legends, myths, and reports of its being a suitable place for a “Hell” provided for Satan and his fallen angels and demons, but which will also be the destination of unrepentant, rebellious human souls.

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Everything is exactly the way it is for a reason,

Lifting darkness up to light is one of Christ’s purposes.

Some of those who’ve been saddled with the heaviest of burdens, with Christ’s help, and by His grace, will be able to minister more light to others.

A passage on Miracles, from Richard Wurmbrand’s “PROOFS OF GOD’S EXISTENCE”.

It is said that the miracles in the Scriptures contradict the laws of nature, but men forget that they themselves, though they possess only very limited powers, constantly violate the laws of nature.

If you arise in the morning, you overcome the natural law of gravity. When you drive in your car, you oppose the law of inertia. When you split an atom, you break the law of cohesion.

If man contravene these laws, how logical to believe that a higher order of beings–angels, not to mention God Himself–can do things that are impossible for us, just as the scientist can do things that confound an ignorant man.

The cry of the poor.

The inner plight of the poor is simply this: many people may be willing to help you financially or materially, and even help you generously, but after having helped you are more than happy to forget about you.

Of course, many untold thousands, millions, or billions have been happy to ignore the poor from the start.

But the meaning of being “poor”, even in the original language of the Old Testament (Hebrew), had the connotations of “weak, dangling, thin, miserable, etc.”

How many untold multitudes of very eligible single males (and, to a lesser extent, single females) have been overlooked, despised, rejected for their love and virtues, because they were poor? How many untold multitudes of arrogant, cruel, wicked rich men and women have been loved and blessed beyond comprehension simply for being rich?

Jesus told John the Baptist’s followers, “Go tell John what you have seen and heard: the lame walk, the blind receive their sight, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the sick are made well, and the poor have the gospel preached to them.

I have to admit that when I read that passage to this day my first natural reaction inside of me is still: “… looks like the poor are getting the raw deal again; every other class of afflicted person are changed and healed forever; the poor just get to hear some preaching.”

But that’s a cynical and inaccurate assessment. Truth is, the word “gospel” means “good news”. And GOOD NEWS is, to the poor (who are more accustomed than any other class to hearing and having to accept BAD NEWS), what health is to the sick, or what hearing is to the deaf, or what sight is to the blind, or what walking is to the lame.

What’s more, Jesus wasn’t just referring to any Good News, but to His Good News: the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which includes such promises as “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

The rich people of Jesus’s day didn’t get to hear such amazingly good news for them, but instead, things like “Sell all that you have and give to the poor, and then come pick up your cross and follow Me,” or, “How hard it is for the rich to enter into heaven! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.”

True, Christ requires all of His followers–rich or poor–to “deny themselves, pick up their cross and follow me,” but for the poor this too will be easier to hear, because it is more likely for them that this is precisely what they have been doing already, their entire lives.

These days I sometimes feel the darts of life shot into my flesh and into my soul. Or I feel like a two-dimensional amoeba, or some squashed and flattened thing, emptied of nearly all qualities and traits except for two: goodness inside me (because of Christ), and evil inside of me (because of myself). I often have beautiful, godly revelations, followed by some gross fall into sin, with no logical link between them.

It is because I am spiritually poor, and for this I have the ever-present hope that God will forgive me and keep accepting His goodness in me, and forgiving the bad which is natural to me.

Season of loneliness.

Something happened to me, years ago, which caused a seemingly irreversible process in my life which continues to do this day. I think it must have something to do with consciousness, awareness, knowledge, experience… beyond which it is impossible to return. The younger and more naive and ignorant I was, the more friends I had, the happier I was socially and in natural terms; but as I grew, gained knowledge and wisdom and experience, and maturity, I’ve found myself more and more alone. (Except for God, of course.)

I watch movies, I see people and situations on TV, I look around at my peers and fellow human beings in all spheres of my natural life, and I am struck by how relatively un-alone they are. To be sure, some are just as alone as me, perhaps even more so. But most of them have boyfriends, girlfriends, buddies and friends, close family members and acquaintances. I am sometimes jealous, but seldom envious I think; not envious, because I do not wish that they be deprived of companionship; jealous, only because I wish that I myself could share in the human love I see around me

At the end of the day, though, I have nothing to complain about. Many of those who’ve wished to become courageous, self-fulfilled, life-exploring “individuals” have had to suffer aloneness as one of the inevitable consequences; the crowd is almost never willing to go along with a a trail-blazer or pioneer, and the more noble or virtuous the quest the more true this has been; for a charismatic mass-murderer or cult-leader like Hitler or Jim Jones many thousands (if not millions) might be willing or happy to tag along; but for saints and prophets, not nearly so often.

I can humbly and truthfully admit that I’ve pursued a saint’s and a prophet’s path. Which saint’s, or which prophet’s? My own. Only my own. I’ve sought the Lord fervently for direction and purpose concerning my own individual life; He has shown me, and part of that which has been shown is the solitary walk and lonely path I am now on, inevitably, as part of my burning love-offering for Him and the vision He gave me.

I see this life often very bleakly, in terms of my natural fortunes or circumstances; what other way, in what other direction, can my life go, other than that one irrevocable direction and path it’s been on all my life–that of increasing proximity to God, but increasing distance from mankind?

For the saint and prophet, aloneness is one of the price-tags for choosing to live a life with God; without God, and you may have all of the pleasures of the world, and all of the people in it, if you wish. But with God, that is no longer possible. Even if you forsake God after having gotten to know Him, you can not happily return to the riches of the world–you will be miserable because of the One whom you once had, and now no longer choose to have.

But though isolation stays or increases in my life, I have a burning hope within me that other isolated and world-estranged saints and prophets like myself will be gathered not only to God, but to other kindred spirits like myself. With God all things are possible, and in God’s presence is fullness of joy, peace, and love. In His presence, faith becomes sight. And in His presence, the world’s despised, forsaken saints and prophets can band together in supernatural harmony and fellowship, forever.

Cutting It Close

Been identifying with the loneliness of Christ lately.

Maybe not “loneliness”, per se. But aloneness.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the more the greater majority of mankind know about me, the worse it becomes; the less they know about me, the better.

I’ve been dismayed to sense people become estranged from me–and me from them–the more I reveal my inner thoughts and feelings.

This is a universal problem, of course; I know I’m not unique.

But Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, also experienced this, and that is special and significant to me.

In the Gospels, we see Him draw large crowds, early on. People loved Him, flocked to Him, wanted to see His loving, smiling face, and reap all of the innumerable benefits they could from His presence. They wanted to get all they could from Him, the greatest dispenser of blessings they ever knew or would know.

But the more He taught them, and revealed His heart’s desires for them, the more those same crowds dispersed, and people left offended.

Ultimately, He had to ask even His closest friends, “Will you leave also?”

Thankfully, they didn’t. They all stuck with Him, even to the end.

Or, almost until the end…

Because when it was time for Him to make His identification and love for them complete, the powers of darkness had their greatest appearance, and even His closest friends (the 12 disciples) could not stick around. (In fact, one of them sold Him out to those same dark powers, as we know: Judas Iscariot.)

To this day, most people want little or nothing to do with the Man.

Many still draw close to Him but for all the wrong reasons. Many are still leaving Him, offended at His teachings and holy life.

In the Bible, God occasionally speaks of “a remnant” that will believe, that will love Him, that will be faithful to Him.

He is still looking for His Bride. Not “brides”, in the plural, but Bride in the singular.

And I know it’s not because He will only end up having made one true convert, one true faithful follower; but I think the implication of a small loyal group could still be made.

It is the same with almost every human being; we may have many acquaintances–we still meet untold multitudes of other human beings in our lifetime–but only a select precious few know and understand us deep down at the true heart’s level. It is the same with God.

It is the same with me.

I wrote this poem earlier this evening, on this truth:


The less people know about me

The better

For the greater majority of the world


For a remnant

The more they know about me the better

(But from afar only)


And for only One

The more I am known completely

The more I am loved… and in love.


It’s why I chose to dismantle my Facebook account tonight, also.